


Through the night

by cozy_downpour



Category: USWNT - Fandom, Womens soccer - Fandom
Genre: Cozy, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, can’t sleep trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-10 22:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20143129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cozy_downpour/pseuds/cozy_downpour
Summary: Tobin hasn’t been sleeping and wakes up her new roommate with her insomnia. Hurt/Comfort





	Through the night

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one shot! I hope it’s not too sappy.

Tobin Heath was never a sleep through the night kind of girl. Even as a baby she refused to have at least one full night of sleep. Maybe it was the adrenaline coursing through her at every moment of every day. Maybe it was her brain whirring and thinking too loudly. 

Whatever it was, it annoyed the ever loving shit out of whichever poor soul was her roommate. 

"Hey, Tobs?" Christen Press started this tentatively, unsure if her roommate was actually awake or merely bouncing her leg so hard the bed shook in her sleep. 

"Mmmhm...huh Chris?" Came Tobin's gravely reply. Her voice was low enough to hint at the possibility of sleep but raspy enough for Christen to know that she was frustrated. The younger girl rolled over onto her side and reached her hand out to turn on the bedside lamp so she could make out Tobin. 

"Is everything okay? I could feel you shaking your bed all the way over here." Christen said, her eyes watching Tobin's left leg as it kept bouncing. She flexed it and rested one hand on her thigh, not meeting Christen's prying eyes. 

"Sorry." She mumbled, rolling over. Heat flushed over Tobin's cheeks as she realized how embarrassing it was that she couldn't sleep. She and Christen had become close friends over the course of the training season so Alex relented being Tobin's usual rooming buddy. It was hardly a big deal but Tobin realized she wanted nothing more than to be perfect for Christen. Not sleeping through the night? Not exactly perfect roommate material. 

The lamp clicked off as Christen rolled back over to the side of her bed facing the window. She felt bad for a moment, thinking about how Tobin's voice dropped when she spoke. Christen shook her head and buried her it deeper into her pillow. It wasn't that big of a deal. 

That's what Christen thought the first time it happened. 

*  
Tobin closed her eyes for what felt like maybe two hours at most. She tossed and turned, sinking her aching body into the soft mattress. She swiped her thumb over her phone, checking the digital clock on the lock screen. 

1:45 AM

Tobin had slept for roughly 30 minutes since Christen told her to stop shaking the bed with her bouncing knee. She sighed quietly to herself, trying earnestly not to wake up Christen. Tobin wracked her brain for things to do in silence to pass the time without waking up Christen. Phone was already crossed off the list, knowing that the light and soft tapping of fingers to the keyboard could disrupt her. Tobin was tempted to shower again but thought better of it. You could hear the water rushing through the pipes in this hotel. It was far too late at night to go on a run all alone. Forget that. 

Tobin slunk out of her bed and to the floor with a soft thud, realizing the beds were much higher than she thought. Depth perception in the dark was no one's friend. 

"Shit."

"What the hell, Tobin?" Christen immediately asked, flicking the light back on. Her voice started harsh but gradually grew softer at Tobin's name, seeing her on the ground. The brunette had her head in her hands, sighing. 

"I was just going to do stretches." She said lamely, suddenly self conscious of Christen's grey green eyes on her in a ratty UNC tee and pj shorts. Christen rose her eyebrows, confused at the older girl across from her. 

"Stretches?" She asked incredulously, pushing a messy curl back as she leaned over the side of the bed to look down at Tobin. "It's 1:45 AM." 

Tobin crossed her arms and pouted out her lower lip. She did not need Christen to remind her of the time. The time made her feel even worse about it.

"Tobs..." 

"Chris..." 

The two young women kept their eyes locked in each other for moments, each saying something that they wished they could say out loud. Tobin's big brown eyes looked away first. 

"Why can't you sleep?" Christen asked softly. She was not going to just let them breeze through this. 

"Never have. I don't really sleep through the night." Tobin revealed quietly, stretching out to touch her toes and busy herself while Christen pried. 

"You don't sleep through the night?" Christen repeated her words, trying to piece it all together. She climbed off her bed, hunkering down to the floor to sit across from Tobin. Her hand went to Tobin's ankle, and the older girl shifted to sitting cross legged. 

"Look, I'm sorry I'll just go to the lobby or something. You need to sleep and I-"

Christen held up her hand, scooting closer. She rubbed a comforting hand down Tobin's shaking shoulder. 

"You will not go to the lobby alone at almost 2AM. Why don't we just talk for a while? Yeah?" Christen said softly, her face close to Tobin's at this point. She was trying to look into her eyes, seeing unshed tears watering on the corners. 

"But you should sleep." Tobin said firmly, pulling herself up and away from Christen. The heat between them was becoming unbearable for her, Christen's breath across her cheek the last straw. "I'll be fine." 

"You and I both know that's not true. You're not sleeping for a reason. I don't mind staying up until you fall asleep." Christen urged her, pulling herself up to her feet. She kept her hand on Tobin's arm, tracing over the muscles with her thumb. "Talk to me Tobin. Doesn't have to be why. It can be anything. It helps."

The brunette pulled away, curling up on her bed. She stuck her lower lip out, battling with what to say. Her skin grew cold as it ached for Christen's faint touches only moments after leaving. Tobin could feel her body pulse at the thought of being touched again. She played with the pillowcase's wrinkles before speaking roughly.

"You don't have to be this noble you know? You're going to hate yourself in the morning." 

Christen dropped down to her knees on Tobin's bed, running a hand through her own curls. She shrugged at the older girl's statement. Christen could hear the pain in her voice as she begged her desperately to go, but conflicted with wanting her to stay. She called her noble, which Christen found interesting. Tobin was truthfully in awe of her perseverance through the girl's stubbornness. 

"One day of being tired isn't a lifetime." Christen's words were soothing and quiet in response, leaving Tobin stunned. They both knew that Christen had realized this spanned over decades. But in a whisper. She was the first person who really picked up on it. Tobin wiggled back, leaving room for Christen if she wanted to lay down. 

"Sometimes it's like...I don't even know who I am. I love soccer, I do. But-outside of this sport? I was dumped by my girlfriend. My sister is all married and has family. I get worried that one injury will take me out. That if I'm not practicing all the time I'll get soft. We both know my college education was a joke. I'm not qualified to do anything." Tobin began to ramble, letting her fears out onto the younger girl with a sigh. Christen hummed at the fears Tobin expressed. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. 

"I'm sorry you feel that way. It's overwhelming huh? I know how overwhelmed feels. I...I know a lot about that. You know how Kelley and I were roommates senior year at Stanford right? She- well I owe her a lot. I struggled a lot with like your same anxieties. That I wasn't good enough. You want to practice at every hour of the day. It's addictive. I would take like 100 shots a night before bed. Just shooting. But it wasn't healthy. My mindset is well-honestly it was screwed up." Christen spoke slowly about her time at Stanford. Her hand had laid on top of Tobin's as she picked at the pillow case wrinkles. "As it so happens...I lost a pretty big game changing penalty kick while we played uh as fate as has it, UNC." 

Tobin's eyes widened at the mention of her alma mater. She did remember that game, because Kelley spent the night at her apartment catching up since they had been in the national youth league together. Tobin wracked her brain for a moment, trying to recall a piece of the puzzle from that night. Something stirred in her as Christen told the story. A fleeting memory of Kelley mentioning her guilt at leaving her roommate in an overnight hotel all alone after a harsh loss. 

"Anyway I beat myself up over that forever. Everyone just wanted to win and I screwed it up and you got your third dumb trophy. It was so bad...I wouldn't eat right. I over worked myself with training. I lost my head. One day Kelley sent me to the college therapist, and you know it's ridiculous - I should have gone sooner, they have the best of the best there. She gave me a prescription and referred me to a yoga clinic on campus. Can I teach you how to meditate Tobin?"

Christen blinked her eyes, holding her palms out and watching the silent tears fall down Tobin's face. Tobin sniffled, trying to wipe them away with the back of her hand. She hovered her palms over Christen's. 

"I'm too gross to hold hands." Tobin hiccuped, rubbing at her eyes again. Christen murmured a laugh behind her palm, her heart racing as she considered how to respond. Tobin would never be gross to her even with spit and snot across her hands. 

"I think your head is a bit more important than these old things," Christen said as she squeezed each of Tobin's hands. The brunette shivered at the touch, feeling the slightest twinge of relief from the adrenaline surging through her. Christen wiggled back on the bed, laying back flat to look up at the ceiling. She patted the space Tobin occupied, urging her to follow suit. Tobin did slowly, laying on her back with her palms up just like Christen. 

"So what...we just find our zen like this?" Tobin asked as she regained her gravely voice after the tears subsided. Christen exhaled loudly. She had already known that the anxious woman would ask that, and she didn't quite blame her. Honestly? Christen found it endearing but she wouldn’t tell a soul that.

"Close your eyes and listen to me count breaths in and out. And feel it from your toes to the top of your head. You might want to flex them, progressive muscle relaxation is good for fidgety beginners." Christen teased as Tobin's eyes fluttered shut and her hips wiggled. She was absolutely not liking being still. 

The meditation routine actually, to Tobin's surprise, starts to work. The breaths started out fast and then slowed into a more measured tempo. Tobin was feeling energy and movement in her body without actually running five miles. The best part about it, and one she would heavily deny if ever asked, was how Christen's voice was perfect and even counting out each breath in and out. She felt her cheeks blossoming a shade of inappropriate pink, and rolled over to the side as Christen finished off the meditation with a namastay to honor the cultural roots of yoga. 

"Mmmm Tobes? How was it?" She asked slowly, still adjusting to pulling herself out of the meditation headspace. With Christen she had been such a frequent meditator, she was trying to reach a third inner eye, or at least what her body considered to be it. 

"Uh— honestly? I felt some like tension go away. But I'm just too wound up to do more?" Tobin replied, pausing as she tried to find the words to describe it all. She rolled back over to face Christen, her body lit by the glow of the city through the shitty blinds on the window. 

"You'll get the hang of it. Glad it helped." Christen murmured, finding herself staring into Tobin's droopy honey brown eyes. Without even thinking her hand went up to brush back a loose strand of hair, tucking it behind Tobin's ear. She trickled her fingertips down behind Tobin's ear, feeling the girl shiver underneath them. There was something about the vulnerability that Christen saw in the person across from her. The way her soft lips pouted as she grew more exhausted. Her messy bed head. How her ratty teeshirt scrunched up as she wiggled. And most of all how small Tobin looked curled up on her side and buried in the sheets. 

"I—um I guess I should, go-"

"No!" 

It came out as a harsh whisper. Tobin's hand flew to her mouth and she groaned in the back of her throat at herself. Christen paused as she sat up to leave to her own bed. She looked back at Tobin, watching embarrassment flood her cheeks.

"Tobs, it's really late." Christen argued, crossing her arms. She had been at Tobin's side and comforting her, now it was time to sleep. 

"But you don't have to leave me." Came the small response. Christen paused, hearing the low drawl of Tobin's turn completely and oppositely wrecked. She was begging her to stay. Christen slid back down, resting her hand on the small of Tobin's back, nodding. 

"I don't have to. If that's what you want." She said with a deep exhale. Tobin sniffled, her eyes shut tight as she prayed she'd find sleep soon enough. 

"Please. It's nice to have someone." Tobin added quietly. Christen curled up even closer to Tobin, still running her hand comfortingly down the small of her back. 

"What would Alex do when you couldn't sleep?" Christen asked curiously as she looked down at the top of Tobin's head buried next to her arm. 

"Mmph-um you see, she has a boyfriend and I uh...she just took a shit ton of melatonin and passed out. When she stayed the night." Tobin explained with a muffled laugh. "She never knew. I love Alex but she's not always as noticeable about stuff like that. And I don't always make loud noises to wake you guys up!"

Christen chuckled, knowing exactly what Tobin meant. She loved Alex as well, she was a beautiful player but her being oblivious to Tobin's problems seemed up her alley. 

"Have you ever told Kelley? I just..." 

"No I haven't told Kelley about me never sleeping." Tobin chuckled at the statement, moving in closer to Christen. She rested her calf on top of Christen's slowly. 

"I just know she would help you too. You've been friends forever." Christen replied her breath catching the moment she realizes Tobin's leg is on hers. 

"You know she was the first person I came out to?" Tobin said between yawns, stretching out her arms. Christen hummed in response, her brows lifting. Sexuality when it came to this team was no big deal. They talked casually and openly, fostering an environment where anyone could feel comfortable in and not hiding themselves. "We were like 15 and in that international youth camp together. We roomed for a long time. But it gets annoying when every teammate is asking about prom and boys and makeup. And we...we were afraid to have our eyes linger too long on someone in the locker room." 

Christen's hand drew lower as Tobin spoke, trailing lazy patterns against warm skin where Tobin's tee had risen. She nodded at her words, knowing all too well what it meant. 

"Yeah. Kell helped me feel more confident with girls in college. She's a good egg. I'm not surprised." Christen replied, lowering her head into the pillow. Tobin's calloused hand brushed against Christen's hips briefly on its way to her back and the younger girl felt herself erupt in goosebumps. 

"I didn't know you were-"

"I'm bi."

"Oh."

Tobin studied Christen, tilting her head so she could watch her expression change. A fleeting moment of fear etched across her face and Tobin quickly pulled the younger girl into her own arms. She knew how scary coming out even casually can be. 

"I didn't mean oh in a bad way. I meant oh I'm surprised and happy for you. There's nothing wrong with who you are Chris. Not a single thing." Tobin reassured Christen quickly that her comment was not against her sexuality in any way. "I mean. I think I'm mostly into girls. I just like queer better for me. It feels right. You know when it feels right, and no one can take that from you."

Christen chuckled softly at Tobin's sudden urge to fight for her. She placed her palm on Tobin's chest, over her heart. 

"I had no doubts about you Tobes. But it was nice to hear. You're really sweet, that speech just then...was so just absolutely kind." Christen spoke firmly, quietly. Tobin's cheeks grew a subtle shade of pink at the compliment. She rubbed at her eyes trying not to show how tired she really was. Christen settled into stroking Tobin's long brown hair, feeling the soft air dried waves under her fingertips. 

"It can be lonely," Christen started, while her finger brushed against the nape of Tobin's neck where her little baby hairs curled. "Being awake all night. But I'm not leaving." She reinforced, trying to ease the other girl into actually falling asleep. Tobin wiggled against Christen, pressing her chest into the nearest expansion of flesh. Christen could hardly tell if they were two bodies anymore with how tight Tobin laid against her. That's when it clicks for her. The loneliness. The aching need to fill the silence. Kelley and Alex not cutting it anymore. Tobin was having a hard time after her old teammates Lauren and Amy left, leaving her to be the last in their era of the New Kids. She had left for Paris and not realized she missed years with the girls she’d never get back. The reassurance that someone was always there for her had left, and Christen could bet that Alex and Kelley, who she knew loved Tobin dearly, had let her down. 

Christen sighed at the feeling of Tobin moving against her. She is trying not to let her mind run wild with the thought of Tobin cuddling her wearing much less, and herself. Christen couldn’t hide the smile crossing her lips as her own hips moved closer to Tobin’s. 

And then she catches the moment. It's gentle, and full of a few mumbles. Tobin's honey brown eyes finally shut, and stayed shut. Her breathing slowed, even into a soft snore and she was finally asleep. Christen watched in awe, trying to make sure that she was staying asleep before the rhythmic breaths lulled her own eyes to shut. She took a deep breath and lowered her lips to Tobin’s cheek. 

“Goodnight Tobes, you’re loved.” Christen murmured as she slipped into her own fast approaching sleep. She closed a green eye and listened as Tobin mumbled in response, unfazed by the kiss.

“Goodnight Christen, you’re loved too.”


End file.
